i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
