But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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