Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
