Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
