dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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