I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
