Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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