Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
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I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
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What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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