I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
