Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
