remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
They have beer where we have blood.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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