Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
