he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
