I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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