Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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