my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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