he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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