I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
