nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
send nudes
from the living room?
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