What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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