he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
