I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
