i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Pants are for mortals
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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