I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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