Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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