Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
