so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
