Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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