I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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