his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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