he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
