I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
