is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
