I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
