im so drunk with asians
where?
always
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
