I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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