You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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