They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
