having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
