You're my little dorito
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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