i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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