Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
