Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
