Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
