It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Holy shit dude........stairs
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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