you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
