I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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