i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
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Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
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Of course I have a pirate flag
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I think my moral compass just broke
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