On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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