Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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