OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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