hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
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ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
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You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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