I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
This is my gift to your gina
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
