Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
