I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
