Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
