I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
