I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
