i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
