My Higher Power is John Stamos
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
