its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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