we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
