uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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