Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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