Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
