just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
