i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
