did you get engaged???
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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