Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
