i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
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