her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
