After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
