In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
